memories of tomorrow

still can't sleep

2010-01-11T03:43:00.002Z

and i ask myself, why am i still in love with you?

you've shown me nothing but sorrow... maybe because of our differences.

still, i can only think of you... there are others but none like you.

you are my love, you are who i want, you are the one who has my heart.

this should be a song but here is no melody to it, for you are missing... the one song that is for mi..... my song mi.

i think of a promise, one which i still remember...

i remember how you reminded me of it and i remember how i should remember.

i remember how you reminded me...

i remember how everything started... and i still remember how beautiful it was...

and still i hope that one day it will be what i am looking for.

a broken heart looking to be healed.

..2

---

because i still remember... clear as day, when you and i were together, when you and i still laid together in bed... because these memories are still as vivid as life is... because... just because, you are who you are. and, 'god' knows why, i still love you...

---

some have said i shouldn't write but just photograph, because i have an eye for the moment. nonetheless, i write because i think. and still i photograph because i see... yet, although i can see much, i still cannot see who i really am. and again i continue on my journey, looking for that what i am looking for.

and on and on, you are always in my mind, because i still feel for you what i then felt... so strongly, so intensively... so passionately and so emotionally.

and here i lay, hoping that these messages from me you read... hoping to see you there where i fell in love with you.

a hopeless romantic... hoping for your romance.

..2

good bye HSM...

2009-12-19T02:58:00.000Z

i've not forgotten about you, but i've moved on.

as i listen to an old melody, i realise, that my ability to feel moves on, as do the waves strike onto the beach. i will never forget you, songmi, but i cannot live based on a fantasy... my life is fantastical as it is. and you have been part of it.

now, restlessly, it feels attracted to another woman. nothing mutual as far as i can tell, but she is one that blows my mind away...

nonetheless, i think of and am reminded of you more often than i'd like. different situations and people i see just make me think of you. though i've tried to show you, not much have you shown me. i still think of that promise, and i will be there, for on that date not far from you i will be. no matter what, i will wait for you, just to se if you as well can keep a promise you reminded me of... a promise to again meet at that same place we met for the first time.

life goes on, but you are always with me and always will be, for part of my life you have been and so part of my life you will always be... that beautiful tree who sang a beautiful Song for Mi.

traveler's dream

2009-11-12T00:59:00.003Z

she's a queen to be, and he wishes a knight he was. although, he is not nobility but a traveler, discovering the world. as of this, they cannot be... until rules are changed, when a queen can see that love is not classified, and a traveler understands he cannot forever so be, for love has a home and cannot be alone.

realities

2009-10-25T15:29:00.002Z

In the world of modern technology where communication all over is real-time, where friends can chat on opposite sides of the globe, where culture is slowly being consumed by capitalism, where nature is being devoured by greed, who would have thought that reality has crossed its boundaries right under our noses. Fantasy seems to only exist in books and minds, nevertheless it surrounds us as the very air we breathe. One needs not to go far to experience the marvels of the surreal.

On the other hand, only after travelling across the continents can we experience in the skin the different realities absorbed in the one world, different realms coexisting in one space, a space determined by political boundaries, boundaries drawn by lust, lust emerged from greed.

The fantasy of magic is not unreal, but the very reality we live in. Beings with magical power, beings of purity, not left alone by those of evil and deceit. Which brings to the not so trivial question, what is the purpose of good without evil?

Modernity has taken us to a reality where what once was possible has become either a myth or absurd. Still, with a bit of imagination and determination to believe, that what we think unbelievable, impossible is but a step away from being real. We have lost the will to believe that love can be true, that miracles can happen. We have lost that what makes us who we really are and have come to be. Believe in oneself. The belief of being able to achieve anything we set our minds to. Such power still exists, nonetheless is used with individualistic ideals. Less and less, we forget about others, hence we forget ourselves. The basic “laws” of existence have been overcome by ignorance.

a hint of magic

2009-09-24T01:34:00.000+01:00

it was in my dreams that she came to me, looked at me with her puppy sparkling eyes and said 'i love you too'.

still, in my confusion i did not know what to make of it. did she come to me from another realm to sooth my mind? was it indeed just a dream?

what we should not forget is that magic exists around us. it surrounds us in the simplest ways. the light breeze that touches us with invisible finger, the reflection of the moon on the sea dancing to an unheard song, the beauty of feelings that come from the deepest parts of our souls.

love is yet to be understood by us, nonetheless it remains waiting to be discovered and treasured.

now, in a time of tidal currents, not at ease with myself, i dig deep inside to find the strength for stability, to further accomplish that what lays ahead. reminding myself of all the magic around, calms my mind and soul.

wish of a monKey

2009-09-03T23:56:00.001+01:00

wish i may, wish i might

have this wish i wish tonight

that she comes to see me

so together we can be

that beautiful tree that touched me

no other do i wish to climb

with you i want to be

and no one else in my mind

when love is ignored

2009-08-26T17:26:00.002+01:00

love is confusing... yet so clear.

love is a challenge... as it is a test.

love is life... as life is full of love.

---

3so, speaking about love again?

2yes...

3any conclusions about the topic?

2no...

3let us shed some light into your darkness;

love has no intensity. it is either true love or a rush of desire and lust. you can only understand it if you accept it as being true. otherwise, you will go through life with a never ending diminishing acceptance of love. if you are afraid of it, you will never accept it. however, if you accept it, there will always be a chance of getting hurt, for love is pleasure and pain in one. which one prevails depends on your honesty to yourself. love can blind reason, yet reason can destroy love... so you see, until you find the courage to accept love, there will always be someone else hurting.

3helpful?

2no...

3confusing?

2yes...

3how are you feeling?

2confused and helpless...

crossroads - love

2009-08-26T17:06:00.002+01:00

i've shed so many tears, yet i ask myself if they were in vain.

love came again to me, yet like the king of fools, i've lost it as i once did before.

love is something incomprehensible. such a feeling inside, what is it? are we really to feel such? do our feelings trick us into a trap?

the crossroads of love defines us in the future. and so may this be prosperous, precious and giving.

tired of going through life without an objective. to have a life with your love, wherever and whenever it may be, is a new dream, and the only to have.

two strongs make a stronger

2009-08-22T14:44:00.001+01:00

so long has it been since i've cried so many tears, tears of love, which i hope will bring that little seed of a beautiful tree in my heart back to life...

don't want no kiss
don't want no lovin'
just want your love back

lost in thoughts

2009-08-08T17:43:00.002+01:00

and once again that one beautiful tree who once sang to me, sang another song to mi.

and the monKey, lost in his fertile imagination, is again near his pleasure and desire. nonetheless, the monKey, lost in his imagination, fears his memories of an unseen tomorrow. needless to say, he is on his way to face these fears and make the best of it. guided by his feelings, although fearful, the monKey follows his heart and believes he has nothing to loose. he trips and falls, but gets up again ready for the next obstacle. dazed and confused, the monKey looks up at the sky to remember he is not alone in this miraculous adventure most of us like to call life.

defeated by words, beaten by his feelings, the monKey becomes wiser and stronger, seeking to achieve his unknown goal.

be safe. be happy. don't forget, although on your own, never alone.

how long has it been!?

2009-04-15T01:41:00.003+01:00

3an update is long overdue...

2i know.

3so, what's the hold up?

2been busy... tired... lazy...

3well, how about you put the laziness aside, sleep an hour longer and make yourself some time. you can't be that busy. you've been downing too many pints lately.

2suppose that's where the tiredness and laziness come from...

3every problem has a solution, otherwise it wouldn't be a problem.

2chiLL... i feel a good update coming up. words of a photographer and images of a writer.

endlessness

2009-01-26T00:08:00.003Z

of feelings i speak, words that i feel

my thoughts which unsettle me, more words to reveal

my mind guides me through life, yet my mind wonders unguided

nausea fills me inside, thoughts which leave me to slide

holding on to a thread, without knowing what's up ahead

waiting for something to come, not living what should be done

once sadness hits, nothing is left but desire for happiness

as happiness comes, there is no more space for sadness

yet both are one and the same, feelings which come and go, endlessly

"life is like a box of chocolates..."

2009-01-09T18:05:00.003Z

so how do you go on about life?

there are always different chocolates, those which you like more, those which you like less. nonetheless, you eat all. so, do you leave the best for last? or maybe have a bite of the best, eat the others and then finish with the one you like most?

right, but then there might be more than one that you really like... now what?

the thing is, a box of chocolates you can always buy another once it's finished, but life cannot be bought again once it is finished. right, you might not know what will happen tomorrow, but still, do you want to know?

let's make it clear what the box of chocolates is;

well, the box is clearly life, so what are the chocolates? opportunities? relationships? challenges? people? that's one big box of assorted chocolates.

a beautiful tree

2008-11-11T00:32:00.003Z

i cry not, for to cry is to be sad

i am not sad, yet my tears flow for you

a beautiful tree who sings a beautiful song for mi

deep inside, a fire lights my heart

a fire with the desire to burn

a desire which burns for you

for you who sings that song for mi

he speaks... to himself

2008-09-29T00:07:00.002+01:00

fall in love...

but how? it feels as if i can't anymore....

don't think about it.

well, if i don't, will i?

the less you think of it, the less you expect it, the better are your chances.

well..........

yes?

i seem to always fall in love with the wrong person.

how do you mean, with the wrong person..?

i'm not sure... it's almost like an impossible love. or not love, but situation.

please, elaborate your thoughts. it's not really clear what you want to say.

i believe i have recently fallen in love, but she is very far away and i don't think we will be meeting again any time soon. we are in different sides of the world.

why do you say you've fallen in love with her then..?

i don't feel this feeling towards anyone else.

could it be that you are misinterpreting your own feelings?

possibly...

do you plan to do anything about it?

i can't really.

why?

well, i'm here, she's there. i'd like to go there but then i'd have to give up my dreams.

is she not worth it?

i don't know....

how can you not know?

what if i were to give up on my dreams to go to her and she only wants to stay friends..? only the thought of it throws me off balance.

so you're saying she's not worth giving up your dreams for?

no, i'm not saying that...

then.....?

i want to see her, to meet with her... to tell her how i feel, but my present situation doesn't allow me to.

hmmm.... i see your point, but still... you know what they say, sacrifices aren't what you want to do but rather what you have to do to get what you want.

who says that?!

it's a saying... to sacrifice is to do what you don't want to. and when you sacrifice something you get something else in return.

who says that?!?!

wise words of a lost civilization.

thanks, that's a lot of help.............

loose your expectations and expect the unexpected. you'll learn there is a lot more to be won than just your dreams.

i believe there is some sense in what you're saying, but.......... can it not be more practical?

life isn't a practical thing. to achieve your goals, to get what you want, you have to invest something, be it your intellect or your sweat, you have to give to get something in return.

aren't you a wise one.......

are we not?

..2

again he writes...

2008-09-26T23:54:00.002+01:00

just the thought of reading what she has written makes me unstable. this is a woman i've last seen some years ago but have know since at least, at the very least, 20 years ago. out of nowhere feeling started to burn inside me. i covered them with an illusion to cover this illusion. yes, i fell in love with her, but who is she..? we speak about life and a everything, but she is still a stranger to me yet a good friend. how can you explain this..?! can't really... who can explain feelings? i am aware of them, i can even, controversially, understand and with few hard words explain them, yet... why can i not express them well enough?

anyhow... there is this woman, somewhere in the world, with whom i have fallen in love with. but because we live in such different realities, i tell myself not to expect anything. she might even have feeling as well but we'll never know, for she is there and i am here... a few thousand kilometres away from each other. how wrong is it of me to fancy other women then?! exactly this question makes me wonder more than i already do.....................

writing as one does

2008-09-26T23:28:00.002+01:00

it has been some time since words have been written. yet, words are again written. and so it must be remembered... one may ask by whom, another may answer by whoever, still not an answer comes, but words which can be seen as an answer, as memories.

and memories of now are written. words of things that are. if you are indeed reading these words, then of the past you are remembering.

remember yesterday when you were a teacher? remember today when you were a friend? do you remember anything at all?

as a teacher, you show a new way. as a friend you follow the same way. still, how do you know, when are you being a friend? are you still a friend when you are a teacher? or rather, can you be a teacher and still be a friend? who knows...? maybe he or she who has been a friend and a teacher long enough to tell you.

but coming back to the teacher aspect; what makes a teacher a teacher? is it only being qualified to be a teacher that makes you a teacher? is it having knowledge that makes you a teacher? or even, is it how much students like you as a person that makes you a god teacher?

intriguing questions, aren't they..? yet no answers.......

anyhow, you are who you are. you are how you are, yet how you are can be changed, as long as you are opened to new things and experiences. being who you are isn't always about who are, but who you could be.

do you not really understand? well, ask a question and you might get the answer. either here or somewhere else. important is to always keep your mind opened to everything that comes your way.

がんばって。

coisas da vida

2008-09-12T01:27:00.002+01:00

so life takes a turn around... as it usually does.
as people we become attached, have the feeling of possession, always remembering the past and forgetting to live the moment, making us insecure about things that should be done. although, amazingly life takes turns which puts us in the right direction. sometimes we fail to realise such moments, moments of new beginnings. how wonderful they are, the opportunities that come knocking... if we're smart a act fast, we make the best of it. if we think too long of it, it fades away into a past that never came to be... and you wonder, how would it have been, had I taken a left instead of a right..? does it really matter though? only if you find yourself unhappy and unsatisfied with what you have and are. and if this is the case, then it is probably because you are still thinking about the turn you didn't take. my advice, make the best of it, or rather, forget about it. it lays in the past, nothing can be done to change it, so concentrate on what you are doing now and what can be done tomorrow... or, again, rather don't think about what can be done tomorrow because as they say "today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday". don't forget that there is a tomorrow, though. ponder about it... dream of it... live now and life will take care of the rest.

remembering

2008-07-22T19:18:00.003+01:00

past memories of a life still to come

i remember how it was, being happy with you. i remember your touch, your passionate kiss... your love for me. i close my eyes and see us together again, with passion, in heat, desire... love.
remind me, what does that feel like?

say what?!

2008-07-21T04:45:00.003+01:00

This is a line of thoughts... but what are these thoughts about? Random thoughts which form a structured story? Random thoughts which seem to be random but are in truth memories of something that might happen...? What?! Memories of something that might happen?! Sure, then I'll be saying that these thoughts are actually memories of things that never happened and never will happen. Crazy? No, maybe just misunderstood. Forget about thoughts, what are memories? Thoughts, right. But we forgot about thoughts... so, if they are forgotten then they can't really be memories, now can they? Because if memories are forgotten then they're not really memories anymore, are they? Hmmm... did you get lost also?
Wait, let me light my cigarette.
So, are thoughts memories or are memories thoughts? You could argue that they are two different things, but I will argue that memories are thoughts. Just as spoken words are thoughts that you think out loud. And with this I will argue that you speak as you think. So, would this mean that babies think on in "ba blu ahh bllrr dribble dribble"? What if you think images, can you spit out an image? Mind boggling, isn't it? Nonetheless, think about it but don't go around talking about it.

um momento de uma lembrança desconhecida

2008-07-21T04:13:00.003+01:00

Ali se sentavam, tomando uma cerveja e comendo petiscos. Estavam passando o tempo analisando e comentando o outros frequeses do recinto. No fundo o gracioso som de Mark Whitfield. Nessa deliciosa noite de verão, os dois amigos contemplavam a vida. Falavam da felicidade, de relacionamentos, de lugares do mundo que gostariam de visitar ou até morar. Ele acabava de retornar da Europa onde viveu por muitos anos. Ela pensava em ir à Europa, ver um novo mundo. Sua situação atual não à possibilitava deixar do país, mas o que mais queria era ir ver o "mundo moderno". Ele, apesar de recem chegado, acompanharia-a sem pensar duas vezes. Ele adora viajar e não deixaria nenhuma oportunidade de fazer uma viagem lhe escapar. O que no inicio era apenas uma conversa de bar mostraria ser realidade antes que os dois percebecem. Mas por ora, ficaram ali sentados, curtindo suas cervejas e petiscos...
Em um momento de silencio entre os dois, agora um calmo som de Herbie Hancock no fundo, ele a adimirava como nunca antes. Viu em sua amiga uma beleza que até então não tinha percebido. Rapidamente tentou desviar seus pensamentos. Afinal, já eram amigos há tanto tempo que não queria que algo do tipo atrapalhace a amizade. Mas ele não conseguia. O momento era tão magico, tão surreal... ela sentada no outro canto da mesa, uma luz quente atrás dela, o som tocando, a fumaça do cigarro. Ele caiu em transe e adimirava a amiga como se a via pela primeira vez no bar, pela primeira vez na vida. De novo tentou desviar sua atenção, mas foi só quando o garçon chegou a mesa com dois chopps que ele voltou. Ela percebeu que ele estava em uma viagem e o perguntou onde ele estava. Sem pensar muito disse que estava lembrando de um Pub que esteve onde tinha musica ao vivo. Ela deu um trago no seu cigarro com um sorriso que diz "sei que não é verdade, mas finjo que acredito". Não que ela suspeitava algo, mas sabia que ele esteve em outro lugar e não no dito Pub.

digital thinking

2008-07-15T01:38:00.002+01:00

So, let us try to explain facts of a past moment. So long has it been, yet not long enough, life shows us again and again how perfectly it works. Starting a new episode of life, one may even say a new era (though an era is considered to be a much longer amount of time), new things come out of the blue. The realization, that maybe, just maybe, all earlier thoughts of not wanting to do this or that because it wasn't natural was just a barrier to living life, opens our mind to realizing even more how very capable we are to do just as we wish. Fact, though, is that it only works if you work on it. In other words, one hand washes the other. Naturally you could try and wash one hand at a time, but imagine the effort..!!
Well, yes... these words aren't completely clear, I know. Yet, what are words if not thoughts... written thoughts, spoken thoughts... thought thoughts.
'Tis indeed a short sharing of thoughts, this. Nonetheless, one must begin at the beginning. And yet another great saying, "practice makes perfect"...
..2